What I learned from people smarter than me: What makes us unhappy.



Most of us who are not happy are unhappy simply because the world is not the way we want it to be.


We believe that only if and when the world, the people and the things in it act and happen in the way we want them to, can we be happy.


We believe our happiness depends on things outside that we want to but can't control. We believe our experience of life is not up to us, but as a consequence of things that happen around us.

We don’t believe happiness and well-being is something we can create for ourselves within ourselves. We believe we are incapable of choosing. We are the victim of situations and circumstances, and if only the world and the people around us act and behave the way we want them to, we would be happy.


We believe that only if the world changed for us and gave us exactly what we want, will we be happy.

We give away responsibility for ourselves, and blame of others for our lives. We believe we have no choice, no say, and no power over ourselves. That we are a consequence, and not the cause. Therefore the only way is to try and control the world and others to get what we want, so that we can be happy. We want what we want, but we don't want others to want what they want.


That is why we complain.


That is why most of us, in some way or another, are in pain and anger.


That is where most of us have gotten it wrong.


We have not come to realise that our experience of our lives is up to us, and not determined nor decided by the people, circumstances and situations around us.


It’s such a silly, silly thing to allow situations and people around us to determine how we feel inside, who we are and who we become.


It’s the opposite of freedom, and the opposite of living.


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